A Weasley Explosion is Most Unwelcome Right Now
by boshrocks
Summary: Hermione is stuck. No matter what she chooses the Weasley family will hate her. Good thing Ginny's on her side then. read and review please.
1. Chapter 1

_What's a girl to do? I can't choose. Five guys have asked me to the Yule Ball, and I don't know which one to go with. _

_First Ron asked me…well that wasn't surprising…I know he's had a crush on me for a while now, and he can barely look at me without drooling. Reminder: remember to teach that boy how to be subtle…or get Harry to do it for me._

_Then Harry asked me…and a part of me is going: hell yeah! … but then another part is saying that I can't do that to Ron. This is the penalty I have to pay for having two male best friends. Not that I regret having them, of course I don't. Who would?_

_Here comes another dilemma. George Weasley asked me out…and the next day Fred Weasley did. I really don't want to break up that family, but I know my choice will, no matter who I pick. I can't come between the twins though, and Ron will murder all of us once he finds out._

_The fifth was the most confusing and surprised the hell out of me. Draco Malfoy cornered me after Potions and asked me, grudgingly, to go with him. He said that despite my blood line he really liked me and couldn't show it before because of Harry and Ron. I was in shock after that revelation and Harry took me up to Madam Pomfrey out of worry. _

_If I go with Draco then Harry will never speak to me again. If I go with Harry, Ron will never speak to either of us again. And whichever of the Weasley's I choose will cause a faction in the family. I don't know what to do._

_Of course…I could blow them all off and go stag. But that wouldn't solve anything._

_I needed to talk to someone about it…but who? I can't go to either of my best friends, since, well, they are a part of the problem. I know…Ginny. She is the female Casanova of Hogwarts. She's bound to know what to do._

Hermione got up from her contemplative seat in the library and set off in search of Ginny. She found her in the common room and pulled her up to her dorm to talk in peace.

She explained the situation breathlessly and nearly started crying she was so in earnest.

"First off, can I say you lucky bugger! Five guys! Even I haven't managed that many. Ok, the solution is simple. Which do you want to go with most?"

"Fred."

"Really? God, why? Sorry. Ok. That takes care of who you will accept. For the others we need to get them girlfriends. Ron especially. I can take Harry. Alicia will do for George. Maybe Pansy will ensnare Draco again. And Ron…who would he go with? Lavender! She's got a soft spot for him."

"How do we do this in a few days?"

"We have two weeks yet. That's plenty of time."

"What about breaking the family up? George and Ron will hate the fact that I'm going with Fred. It might create tension between them."

"We both know my brothers are idiots. All of them. Family trait, whatever. But if they have a problem with your choice then it's their problem, not yours. Same goes for Harry and Draco."

"But-"

"Stop making things more complicated than they already are! In layman's terms: boys are idiotic prats. You had it right when you said Ron had the emotional range of a teaspoon, because all boys have that amount of maturity. We can't change that. But we can toy with them…which is what I intend to do with four of your suitors. Now our first plan of action is to set up a meeting with the girls involved and you need to let Fred know quietly that you're going with him…but not in range of the others. Take him to the library or something. And tell him to keep it quiet for a while. The last thing we need is for all hell to break loose before the ball. And believe me when I say you really don't want to see a Weasley bitch fight. We will all get involved. And its best not to be in the building at the time." Ginny smirked reverentially.

"Are they really that bad?"

"You always wondered why there aren't any straight lines in the Burrow. We blew it up too many times. Or rather Gred and Forge did. I doubt even Hogwarts castle would survive the one that's probably gonna emerge if we don't do this properly."

Hermione gaped at her and blinked a lot more than normal. She knew the Weasley family all had tempers as fiery as their hair and she had successfully managed to put off thinking what would happen if they all lost their tempers at once…until now. She thanked her lucky stars that Mrs Weasley wasn't here, but the four youngest were the worst of the lot and she knew that it would not go well if she did let the cat out of the bag. She wasn't sure she'd be still alive afterwards, no matter how much the Weasley clan loved her.

"Okay…so what's the plan?"

"Good, young grasshopper, you shall learn fast."

Hermione's glare was answer enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione sighed as she listened to the fights happening all around her. Man those boys were really getting into it.

"You let the cat out of the bag didn't you? I told you not to do that!" Ginny said from next to her.

"I knew this would happen!"

"You did this on purpose? You're really low."

"Ginny! No I knew they would fight. Trust a boy to be unsubtle. I knew it would come out and I fully anticipated a fight, but in the Great Hall?!"

"At least some of our plan is working."

"What? You mean setting up the meeting for the girls involved? Yes we did that. Getting them together with the boys? No we didn't bloody well do that!"

"Calm down 'Mione! We will do these things."

"The ball is in three days!"

"I know. Its virtually impossible but we've done the impossible before."

"Alright! That's IT!!! SHUT UP YOU MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione suddenly roared. The arguing boys fell silent, as did the rest of the hall. Hermione had risen and she now faced the boys with fire blazing in her eyes. None of them had ever seen her this angry. Desperately she tried to keep it under wraps, because all of them had little chance of survival if she really lost her temper. It didn't do to piss off the cleverest witch at Hogwarts.

"We have some problems here, don't we?! Look, I chose Fred because I fancy him. All of you, except Malfoy, are dear friends to me. Just because you all asked me to the ball, doesn't mean we should fight over it." She snarled, keeping her anger behind her teeth. "If you boys carry on like this, I will never speak to any of you again. And I mean that for all of you. Harry and Ron, you too. It's a stupid ball! That's no reason to act like the immature pin heads you are now displaying to all of us! I know my choice was hard to stomach but frankly I don't care! I don't give a damn how you feel about it! It's like Dumbledore says, we all have to make choices and they shape our characters. I made my choice, but now I'm reconsidering it. I'm not so sure anymore that I want to go with any of you. In fact, Neville? Ask me to go to the ball with you."

"W-what?"

"You heard me. Fred, you're dumped. Neville, will you go to the ball with me?"

Poor Neville cast a nervous glance at Harry and Ron, both of whom looked on the verge of losing their tempers big time. Then a grin spread over his face. He gave an almost Malfoyesque smirk at the five boys before he nodded. Hermione smiled as Neville took her hand and kissed it. Her previous suitors looked ready to pounce.

"Come on Neville, I seem to remember you requesting my help on one of your potions essays." They got up to leave, but Hermione didn't lead the way out. She turned to the boys. Then an evil grin spread itself across her features.

One by one she went around the boys in front of her.

Five slaps echoed around the hall.

"Not again!" groaned Draco.

Ginny hurried after them into the entrance hall.

"Hermione! What was that?"

"That was me taking charge." She shook out her hand. "I wish those boys would learn how to shave properly." she displayed her hand and it was not only red but also had little white lines and dots in the red.

"Beards do tend to grow out by dinner time. You've never heard of the five o'clock shadow?" Neville said, feeling his own.

Hermione and Ginny looked blankly at him.

"Oookaaay….." they said together.


End file.
